Twas Christmas Told The Merriest Tale
by The Young and Free Dragon
Summary: The penguins take over delivering presents for Santa Claus and Private experiences his first love and first heart ache. Rated T for a mild curse in the song used.


**The title of this fic is from a quotation from Walter Scott.**

**I realize this story jumps around a whole lot, sorry if it bothers you.**

**This is sort of a song fic, the song quotes are just thrown in when they seem to fit.**

**This pairing really isn't that well explored (actually not at all as far as I can tell), but it just seemed natural to have in this Christmas fic. I don't support it, but it was the only thing that would work the way I need it to. Cupid the reindeer will be Private's little girlfriend, that gets down his Christmas, even if it's just a phase. I do not own the song; "Home On Christmas Day", I only own the depression and memories it causes.**

'TWAS CHRISTMAS TOLD THE MERRIEST TALE

BY THE YOUNG AND FREE DRAGON

"Why exactly are we on our way to the north pole again?" Private asked, looking up to the tall scientist beside him.

"We're on code EBNEZER," Kowalski stated. "Christmas is in danger."

"How so?" Private gasped.

This was about the fifth time that he had asked what they were doing, but this was the first time he'd gotten an answer, other than a command to get on the snow mobile they were using or to hold on tight or whatever else.

"Santa Clause is unable to deliver gifts this year. He's fallen ill and perhaps might be in grave danger himself. But the children come first, we're going to deliver the presents, and aid the elves in anyway we can with Saint Nicholas's recovery."

"What will we do if... if he's unable to deliver gifts ever again?" Private asked, his stomach turning at the thought.

"Then we'll simply have to return each year." Skipper cut in as he steered the snow mobile on a sharp right turn.

"Well," Kowalski mused, holding on for dear life, and ignoring Rico's maniacal laughs of pleasure at the thrill of danger. "We don't have enough reserve fuel to come here and back every year-..."

"We'll get more." Skipper interrupted. "The fate of Christmas is in our flippers, boys."

* * *

><p>They came to a gentle stop outside of the workshop. Things looked normal enough, but looks are deceiving. They all hopped off the snowmobile and waddled up to the large door, and formed a penguin ladder to reach the knocker and Skipper tapped the metal against the door. It opened and inside, warmth burst out as did the laughter of elves and a distant rumbling (labored) "Ho Ho Ho" that brought a smile to Private's face as he looked in. He saw toys everywhere, contraptions he didn't understand but he was sure children could enjoy, and maybe he could as well. The light was golden, coming from the lamps, but the multi-colors of the toys and the red and green of the elves' costumes was causing Private's heart to swell with Christmas cheer.<p>

"It's nice to see you again, Private." A reindeer said, and Private turned and his beak dropped open.

A small reindeer, he knew from only seeing her once, but he could recognize her anywhere. Cupid had exploded into his heart somehow whenever they'd first met.

"You... You too..." He stammered, turning red.

He'd forgotten exactly why he'd been so mesmerized by her when they'd first met. Now he remembered. She was beautiful! He drew his eyes over her from every twist of her antlers to every glint in her eyes. He didn't realize at first that she was doing the same to his penguin features, looking him over from head to toe, but he began to blush even brighter when he realized she was.

"Alright everyone," Skipper called, taking everyone's attention, standing beside Santa Claus who was covered in a Christmas blanket and looking rather ill. "Let's get to work, we have very little time. Everyone takes a job."

He began listing them and for each one, one or more people volunteered. Private just continued to gaze at Cupid until she suddenly spoke, snapping him out of his trance.

"I'll do it." She said.

"Me too." Private said without thinking, then added. "I mean... I'll help."

"I'll help too!" Someone else called.

Private's disappointment was evident. He wanted to be alone with Cupid, to catch up and whatever else came along. But his face lifted when Skipper spoke; "I think Private and Cupid can handle it."

The young penguin and reindeer shared a smile. Kowalski leaned over to Skipper after the jobs were given and everyone was trying to get organized and go to their jobs.

"Private and Cupid are both quite small, they could have used that help." The scientist commented.

"Yes, but Private wouldn't be smiling like he is now, would he?" Skipper pointed out.

"I see," Kowalski said, a small grin crossing his beak as well.

"Consider it, part of his Christmas present." Skipper replied, watching Private and Cupid leaving together.

"Understood, sir." Kowalski chuckled.

* * *

><p><em>Drunken Santa on the corner<em>

_He looks a little blue_

_But the twinkle in his eye_

_Looks a little like you_

"Got that sled ready yet?" Skipper asked, entering the shed where it was kept.

"Y-Yes sir!" Private said, jumping a bit, and stepping out of the close proximity he'd been in with his lady friend. "I mean, almost sir."

"Ah, what's the hold up?" Skipper teased.

Skipper himself wasn't sure what had come over him. Under normal circumstances, he'd be smacking Private, and scolding him. But seeing him with Cupid, who he obviously liked and she felt the same, he felt like a curious parent, and his boy was growing up. It felt only natural to be playful, even if the situation was quite dire.

"No hold up, Skippah, just a bit distracted."

"Well, go to work, soldier. Christmas depends on us." Skipper said firmly, winking at the young penguin and he left.

Private sighed once his leader left and wrapped his flipper back around Cupid's leg and nuzzled into it. She smiled down at him.

"What do you want for Christmas?" Private asked his lady love.

"Oh nothing, dear," She replied, licking the top of his head which made him giggle. "I just wish I could spend it with you."

Private thought for a moment.

"Maybe you could." He replied.

"How so? Don't you have to go with the other penguins?" She asked.

"Yes, but I've an idea."

* * *

><p>Private hummed happily to himself as he carried the small wrapped box towards the Reindeer stables. His eyes were a bit red as he went, because he'd spent all night working on the gift for Cupid. Only the best for the beautiful reindeer. He had scrapped together some of Kowalski's extra parts for his invention and was quite pleased with himself. He'd also spent the entire night before last, teaching himself writing so that he could write her a note. If the note didn't come out well, he could always just explain to her the reason. He was sure he would have to because spelling her name was the hardest part. He couldn't find it anywhere in the dictionary, but that could mainly be credited to his lack of skill in searching for it.<p>

He might've asked Kowalski, but he was feeling very shy about his crush and was worried Kowalski might tell Skipper. He wasn't sure whether Skipper would take it badly or not, but he didn't want to tempt fate that he might. But as he thought of this, he realized that he really shouldn't hide something like this. If he was proud of his crush, then it would only be fair to let everyone know. He changed his course from the stables to the workshop, humming a Christmas tune to himself as he went.

* * *

><p><em>Something about this season<em>

_Makes me feel a little queer_

_Everybody's so damn jolly_

_I wish you were here_

Skipper was feeling a blue funk over himself. He'd neglected to tell Marlene that he was leaving for the North Pole, and while he knew she would (deep down) understand that he had a mission to take care of, he knew she would've wanted to tag along. And he had not told her "Merry Christmas". And despite the fact that they were leaving early Christmas Eve, he was sure they wouldn't finish until late Christmas night, even with Kowalski new invention. In all truth, he loved this season, he really did. But he didn't understand why he was expected to be happy when he had this to worry about. But he reminded himself that he hadn't told anybody and didn't plan to. It wasn't as if they would understand, especial since he was Skipper. He knew they would be shocked at his having an emotional upset because of the holidays but come on, everyone did at some time or another, why did that exclude him?_Because you're like a truck._ He thought. _Nothing phases you. _But he knew it was a lie. _More and more is phasing me as I grow older._

He was beginning to wonder if he should tell everyone that the job was simply too much right now, when Private came waddling in, clutching a gift. He chirped his greeting in his normal, cheery holiday voice that never failed to bring a smile to Skipper, even if it was on the inside.

"Skippah, I have something to confess, can I trust you to take it seriously and support me?"

Skipper stiffened when he heard this. What could it be? What could possibly be something that Private was afraid he couldn't trust his own leader to understand and support? Was he going to tell him that he couldn't make the mission? Well that would be okay, Skipper was unsure himself. Was he going to tell him he was depressed about something that one of the penguins had done? Was he... maybe going to say he was... _You can handle this Skipper. He's Private. Whatever it is, you'll go to the ends of the world to do for him._

"Of course you can trust me, Private." He said, trying to have the calmest voice he could muster. "What is it?"

Private took a deep breath and Skipper's heart stopped as he did before Private blurted it out; "I have a crush on Cupid!"

Skipper's heart was silent for a minute, and he stared at the small penguin, before his heart let out a relieved pulse and as blood went back through his body, he began laughing hysterically, unsure at first as to why, but unable to help himself. He had totally forgotten about his private's girlfriend. Private's cheeks flushed red and he glared at Skipper for his reaction.

"It's not funny!" He shouted.

"No, no!" Skipper said through heaves. "I was just... expecting something... bad..."

He took a moment to contain himself and then patted Private on the shoulder who was still blushing heavily.

"Sorry," Skipper said. "Anyway, that's great! Er... Cupid is a female, right?"

"Of course!" Private cried.

"Right, right." Skipper chuckled at how his comment had affected Private.

"And this gift is for her." Private said, holding up the wrapped box.

"What is it?" Skipper asked.

"Um... sorry Skippah, but that's a bit personal."

Skipper was about to give Private a lecture on what was personal but stopped himself and nodded. "I understand." He said.

"Thank you, sir."

"Let's go give it to her, the sleigh is going to take off soon and we'll need you to help with the gift giving."

* * *

><p>Everyone was gather outside to watch the sleigh go. Santa was sitting in a chair coughing and patting his reindeer, waving to them, his jolly eyes gleaming despite his sickness. Private and Cupid were loading gifts into the bag. They were almost done, and Private had hidden his gift to Cupid under the pile to give to her before they left. His stomach was tightening a bit. He really didn't want to leave her. But he knew he had to. He had planned a head though. He'd placed a mailing address and a zoo phone number in with the present so that she could contact him. He was giddy about seeing the look on her face when he handed it to her. He would not have time to see her face when she opened it. As they loaded up the last few gifts, the other penguins were piling into the sleigh and saying their goodbyes to everyone.<p>

Private picked up his small gift and waddled over to Cupid, a blush covering his face and a small smile on his beak.

"Cupid?" He said, and she turned to him with a smile.

"Yes Private?"

"I wanted to give-..."

"Topside Private! Operation "Ho! Ho! Ho!" is in effect!" Skipper called.

"Just a moment!" Private called.

Cupid looked to Skipper and then to Private. "You should get going." She said.

"But I wanted to-..." He began but was cut off by her muzzle meeting his beak.

He stared in shock at her face, but her eyes were closed as she kissed him. Skipper looked down and smiled at them, making sure Rico wouldn't see so he would not get sick. Cupid broke the kiss after a minute.

"Now you can go." She said, smiling at him.

Private babbled in incoherently, a dumb smile on his face as he dropped the present and stumbled about, dazed. Skipper dropped down, saluting Cupid, and grabbed Private and jumped up on the sled. They began waving as Kowalski started the engines and the elves, reindeer, and Santa waved to them. As they began to move slowly, Cupid noticed the present on the ground.

"Wait! You forgot one!" She called, picking it up in her mouth.

She raced after them, galloping as fast as she could before jumping on the edge of the sleigh. Private looked down at her, his eyes lazy as he blushed and waved at her. She smiled a little and dropped the package in the bag. She let go and came to a stop, waving to them as they took off into the waning day.

* * *

><p>The sleigh was plummeting, fire exploding in short bursts from the back.<p>

"Kowalski! Is it suppose to be doing that?" Skipper called, panic evident in his voice.

"Why is it always things that shouldn't explode always explode?" Kowalski shouted, not much aware of anything but his burning invention.

"Kowalski!" Private screamed over the howl of the wind, holding on for deer life. "Pull up!"

"Private's throwing some good suggestions your way! Feel free to consider them!" Skipper shouted at Kowalski.

As another explosion rocked the sleigh, Rico went into blind panic, letting out a shriek that didn't end, just continuously rang from his beak.

"Rico's lost it!" Private reported.

"Is there any reason for this?" Kowalski shouted at no one in particular, raising his flippers to his invention, causing Skipper to have to grab him to keep him from flying off.

"Kowalski!" Skipper shouted in his face, slapping him several times. "Come back to reality!"

After a moment Kowalski snapped back to himself.

"Sorry Skipper!" He shouted.

"Nevermind that!" Skipper shouted. "Options!"

Kowalski pulled out his clipboard but it flew off into the wind and he stared after it before turning back to Skipper with his calmest face.

"Only one Skipper! Panic!"

And he joined Rico in screaming. Skipper cursed and looked to Private.

"Private, take Kowalski!" He shouted, tossing the screaming scientist to Private.

The small penguin caught him awkwardly but saluted Skipper once he had a grip. Skipper crawled up the seats on the sleigh until he was at the engine Kowalski had constructed. He study it for a brief moment before simply grabbing the clutch and pulling on it. It would barely budge, but the sleigh pulled up a bit.

Skipper pulled as hard as he could, pulling it to about half way, and the sleigh became stationary, but Skipper couldn't hold it like that for long. Private knew this and took the two screaming penguins, tucking them under one of the seats and tying them down with ribbon to keep from coming loose. He then began to fight the wind as he moved up to where Skipper was at the back of the sleigh. He reached out to help Skipper hold the clutch but the leader waved him away.

"Secure the presents!" He shouted.

Private moved to the large bag. The top was open and flapping, several presents already lost to the wind. He reached up and grabbed the drawstrings, pulling them as hard as he could. The bag closed mostly but a hole was still in it, big enough for a couple of presents to slip out. He tied himself to the drawstrings to keep them closed, knotting himself in above the hole. They were safe at last.

Suddenly, with a loud cry, Skipper lost the clutch and they went down, mere feet from the street, they skidded down the avenue, sparks flying out behind them. The sparks flashed up in white hot flares and caught the bag on fire.

"No!" Private cried briefly before the sleigh crashed through the wall of the zoo and they skidded into the middle of the zoo, crashing.

* * *

><p>Private coughed heavily as he dug his way out of the bag of presents. He came out of a hole at the bottom of the bag and saw the animals of the zoo splashing water on the bag, trying to put it out. He looked over toward the sleigh. It was a pile of wood and splinters, not even resembling what it had once been. Marlene was trying to patch the penguins' wounds, all of them unconscious and broken. He stumbled toward them, sharp pains in his feet keeping him from walking correctly.<p>

"Are they...?" He asked.

"They'll be okay." Marlene said. "Nothing too bad."

"Okay..." Private said, stumbling away before Marlene could ask how he was.

He watched the bag of presents finally go out and the zoo animals trying to put out the small fires around. He looked down to see a smoldering package at his feet. He bent to look at the tag:

TO: CUPI-

The rest was burned away. He dropped the piece of paper and sat on his butt, staring at the ashes of the gift.

* * *

><p>Private stared up at the stars, a tear trailing down his beak as the North star gleamed at him from above.<p>

_Home on Christmas Day_

_I am just a thought away_

He sighed heavily, looking to the Christmas tree, in the center of the zoo. His eyes lingered on an ornament that was shaped like a reindeer. They slowly dropped to what was left of the sleigh, which the zoo animals were clearing away.

"I'm sorry Private." Skipper murmured, his flipper reaching out to touch the small penguin's shoulder. Private stopped the flipper before it could rest on him, and stepped away, his back still to his leader. He dropped the flipper, and Skipper's eyes gleamed in the darkness for a moment as he thought of his small boy. He had never meant for this to happen. Even if it wasn't directly his fault, he couldn't blame anyone else.

"It's okay, Skippah." He choked, looking at his feet. "Duty is duty."

"Candy..." Skipper murmured. "Is candy." His stomach tightening as he watched his teammate's shoulders rock and the private covered his eyes as he began to sob.

He now placed his flipper on Private's shoulder, and gave it a gently squeeze. The only words he could say were stale on his tongue as he spoke them, but he couldn't help letting a small smile. His boy was growing up.

"Monster trucks, man. Monster trucks." The skipper whispered, though he didn't feel like one.

Private felt snow falling, and looked up into the white mist. It always snowed in January, but this was his first time that it ever snowed on Christmas. _A white Christmas._ He thought, as a flake landed gently on his beak. He knew he could share this moment with Cupid, even if it was always white up there... so far up North.

_But anywhere I be_

_You will always be Christmas to me..._


End file.
